Personal

Work time fun.

I do simple lab work for a company that produces precursors for the production of biomedicine. That makes it sound way cooler than it actually is. The product we produce is sold to places to make medicine. It’s not glamorous but I am a small part in saving lives. Every single unit we produce must …

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Food

I have a bad relationship with food. It’s my comfort. When I’m feeling depressed I use food to fill the hole in my soul. I know it’s not healthy. I know it’s a big part of why I’m so overweight. I just don’t know how to deal with it in a healthy way.

Jump

People don’t jump out of burning buildings because they want to die. They do it because they know if they stay it will hurt a lot and then they will die anyway. I don’t want to die. I love who I am. I adore the person I see in the mirror. But I want the …

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Dreams

The nights where I don’t dream (or at least don’t remember my dreams) are the best. Just nothing. Nothing to hope for, nothing to aspire to, nothing to allow me to try to do stuff and have it fail miserably. Dead sleep. That’s where it’s at. Just me, alone, but somehow more comforting than the …

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Giving up

Nothing seems to have any meaning. Work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep…. Why? Everything I touch turns to shit. I can’t name a single person who is better off because of me. If I were to disappear right now I could probably only name one person who would notice. It’s so difficult being alone, trying …

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Mental Health

I can feel myself slipping. Those cold intrusive thoughts keep creeping back in. I’m doing better now than I have in the past but I don’t know how long I can stay strong. I need help. I feel so alone. Isolated. I navigate my day well enough but I’m just going through the motions. Nothing …

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Friday.

Today is Friday. Many people see this as a good thing because the weekend is a time that people look forward to. For me it doesn’t really feel like a break. I will leave work chill for a moment and then it’s time to drag my ass back to work. It’s neverending. A slow, soul …

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